the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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