Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
