I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
