Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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