so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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