i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
