I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
