Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
