Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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