this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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