i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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