I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
