I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone signed my nipple.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
