I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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