I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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