Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
