I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
