im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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