grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize