considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
