your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
