What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
