My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
