Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
