Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
