On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
