I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
