Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
this hospital has no fireball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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