Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's always time for handjobs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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