saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
