Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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