We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
