so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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