P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
