I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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