Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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