I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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