he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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