U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
