You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
