He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
