i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
