We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
