So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
