So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
