That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
