u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
