Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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