this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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