just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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