My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
