I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
