Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
