i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
