I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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