you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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