If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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