Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
