I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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