He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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