just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
