i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize