some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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