if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
