You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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