if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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