we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
