I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
