i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
