You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
