Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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