you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
