My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
