When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
