he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
