I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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