do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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